What to Do When You’re Heartbroken and Miserable

Melanie Kane
5 min readMay 25, 2022

You’re allowed to wallow. Just don’t do it forever.

Break-ups are messy most of the time. It’s hard to recover from a bad break-up, especially if you’ve been together for years. After all, how are you expected to suddenly expected to return to “normal” when you’re so used to having someone around?

Yes, break-ups make us miserable. Why wouldn’t they? Whether the relationship was good or bad, what you had was something. It made you feel alive, for better or worse. There are people who get back up quickly, probably glad to be rid of their previous partner. And there are those who need more time.

What are you supposed to do if you’re having trouble moving on?

How to Heal After a Breakup

1. Get out of the house

As I said, you’re allowed to cry it out. You’re only human after all. But you should give yourself a time limit on how long you’re allowed to wallow. After that, get out of the house.

Staying indoors and lamenting about your failed love life for weeks on end isn’t going to solve anything. Get up and go out. Go on a run, meet some friends, grab a bite, etc.

Don’t make your life revolve around your heartbreak and misery.

2. Surround yourself with positivity

Talk to your friends and family. Reconnect with the people who love you and care about you. They can tell you how amazing you are and that whatever happened with you and your ex doesn’t define you as a person.

There’s no use dwelling on what happened. It’s best if you let other people in. Tell them about what happened. Talking helps a lot and who else to throw your woes at than your friends and family?

3. Find a new hobby

Find something new to love. Whether that’s a show, a new hobby, or something else. Do something you’ve never done before. Find something new and interesting in your life that will make you like life again.

And if it helps, don’t do the same hobbies you did when you were still with your ex, especially activities you did together.

Once you’re fully okay thinking about your ex without breaking down again, you can revisit those hobbies. Learn to love them again in your own time, but for now, you need new things to love again.

4. Say NO to rebounds

We get emotionally vulnerable after the breakups. A little bit of affection from a stranger and we all but cling to them like a lifeline. It’s a form of validation we think we need when in truth, it’s simply a temporary thing.

Clinging to a rebound will only delay the inevitable. In the end, you’re still hurt from the breakup and you’re only distracting yourself from the pain.

It’s okay to indulge a bit but don’t assume you’ll still be happy and content. It’s doubtful your relationship will stay strong and healthy if it started as a distraction.

5. Love yourself

It’s hard to like yourself after experiencing a breakup. That’s emotional trauma no matter how you look at it. You’d start to question your self-worth and then neglect yourself as a result.

Listen, I know it’s hard right now but you need to know that this pain is temporary. At the end of the day, you only got yourself. And if you don’t love yourself then who will? You deserve to be loved and who else can love you better than yourself?

Don’t neglect your health. Remember to prioritize that.

Sleep properly and never skip a meal. It’s advisable to start working out since sweating and moving around can release endorphins and serotonin that help improve your mood. But if you think you’re not ready for that yet, then you don’t have to. Just know that it’s a good option to take.

Getting Back into Dating

1. Don’t go for dating apps

There is no doubt that dating apps are easy to use, but they are also the most difficult method of getting a date, especially if you aren’t attractive enough. Apps rely too much on how good you look in your profile photo. People rarely click on you if they don’t find you pretty enough.

Truthfully, it isn’t impossible to find a life partner using these apps. A lot of people these days are married because they met using them. It’s just a lot harder to find a match that’s guaranteed to be perfect for you. And if you’re a man that lacks in the attractiveness department, you will have a difficult time.

But if you’re a woman and you don’t look half as bad, you might still have a chance.

2. Join a Singles Tour

Single people, rejoice! If you have a preference for foreigners, there are tours made for you. And they are Singles Tours.

The tours are a great opportunity to travel and meet foreign singles. Hundreds of people meet on these tours in hopes of finding their true love. It’s a unique way to explore another country while dating at the same time.

By joining a tour, you will have the opportunity to spend a week-long vacation in the country of your choice and meet dozens of singles looking for a long-term relationship. You will have a better success rate joining these tours than relying on a dating app.

At least with these tours, you actually meet people and engage in proper conversations.

3. Try dating sites

Dating sites or matchmaking sites are far different from dating apps. They have real matchmakers, actual people, that help you find your preferred date and also answer your questions.

Not only that, there is less likely you’d get catfished since everyone who registered is verified. The photos get updated regularly to make everything more transparent and everyone has one goal in mind: marriage.

No one is messing around on these sites. If all you’re looking for is a quick fling, then this isn’t for you.

It’s Not Too Late

There’s no need to rush. It’s never too late to re-enter the dating scene. Always date at your own pace.

Don’t forget to prioritize your mental and emotional health. Don’t just jump in because you think you’ll be too late to find love. No one is too late. You still have a chance.

--

--

Melanie Kane

I’m passionate about helping people find deep, emotional connections through 1stchoicedating.com/welcome