Stop Blaming Yourself: She’s Not Just into You

Melanie Kane
3 min readAug 15, 2022


When someone rejects your love, you tend to think that the reason is you.

So you blame yourself and start picking at your undesirable qualities. Despite doing everything right — giving her both attention and space — you still think you could have done more or better.

But the harsh truth is, sometimes — she’s really not just into you. And that’s not your fault.

So before you go hard on yourself thinking it was your fault, think about these signs that say she’s not just interested in you.

You receive short replies.

Sometimes, men have the preconceived notion that women like playing hard to get. They do, sometimes. But when they get the attention they want, they start giving in and expressing interest.

But if the woman you’re pursuing shows no signs of interest despite you giving her lots of attention, she may just not be into you.

You’ll notice this because her replies are short and keep getting shorter. And it takes her hours, if not days, to respond. She doesn’t mind replying with one or two words after receiving a heartfelt text.

Her replies are also blunt, implying she’s not interested in connecting with you.

She constantly makes excuses.

This woman always says she’s busy and has no time for a date.

But she has time to go out, party at night with her friends, or entertain other guys. She’ll never commit to any of the plans you propose, whether it be a date or a casual coffee down the street.

Or if she miraculously agrees, she might not show up. She will then reason out that she forgot about it. She’ll only agree to go out if you’re with a group.

If a girl dodges your invite more than twice, you might want to think about whether it’s time you let the pursuit go.

She insists on being friends.

If she insists on friendship way too often, take that as a sign. She just wants you as a friend, and nothing more.

Credit to this kind of woman because she tries to soften the blow. She can’t be in a relationship with you, but she’s kind enough to offer you friendship. She just doesn’t see herself with you.

You did nothing wrong, and neither did she. So don’t make things hard for the both of you. You either accept her friendship or leave her alone. Man up and accept that some people just don’t hit off.

She’s uncomfortable around you.

People tend to be uncomfortable around their crush. But it’s a different kind of discomfort. It sits between feeling shy and wanting to be around them more — sometimes at the same time.

But when she’s around someone she doesn’t like, she’s literally uncomfortable. She avoids eye contact, pretends to be busy, or doesn’t let her skin touch yours. She’s also uncomfortable receiving gifts and insists on giving them back.

It’s time to let go.

While it pays to wait for someone to finally return your love, it just doesn’t happen to everyone. Save yourself the trouble and pain of unrequited love.

It’s not always your fault that a woman doesn’t return your love. So let go and find someone who will appreciate and reciprocate your love.



Melanie Kane

I’m passionate about helping people find deep, emotional connections through