Second Chances: Coming Back into Someone’s Life

Melanie Kane
3 min readSep 6, 2022

Couples break up for many different reasons. Some do because of irreconcilable mistakes, while others are merely victims of rash decisions, youth, or the timing then was just off.

Couples who break up because of the latter are more prone to feeling confused, in pain, and wanting to reconcile with their partner. No matter how they try to fall in love with someone new, they just find themselves pondering on the “what-ifs” with their ex. Before they even realize it, they’re off asking them for second chances.

If you find yourself feeling the same towards your ex, you might want to check these tips first to know if rekindling your old flame is the right thing to do.

Reflect on why you want to get back together

First and foremost, you should be single and not cause anyone pain when thinking about pursuing your ex back. The same thing applies to your ex-partner. If they’re happily in love with someone, then getting into the picture is an absolute NO.

Otherwise, figure out why you wanted them back in your life. Maybe you’re just caught up in singlehood so you decide to have them back. Or you only want them to help ease your loneliness.

If you’re in any of these cases, then you’re not really missing your ex. Getting back with them will only set you both for a more devastating heartbreak.

Reflect on why things didn’t work out the first time

Before trying to get back with your ex or “the one that got away”, think deeply about why your relationship didn’t work out in the first place.

Don’t just think about the things you miss about them. Reflect on the issues you frequently argued about — both big and small, and the ultimate reason you broke up. Are these issues fixable? If you get back together, would you be willing to compromise and work things out? Be objective and realistic.

If yes, then maybe there’s still hope for a reconciliation. But if you’re unsure things will be different this time, then maybe a reconciliation won’t do you anything good. After all, they’re your ex for a reason.

Be patient

If you’re 100% sure you have the right reasons to get back with your ex, then you may set on pursuing them. But it’s important you take it slow.

If you’re the one who broke up, you have to give them time to heal. A simple ‘sorry’ isn’t enough. Work on that forgiveness. Be consistent in showing them you’re a changed person. And no matter how tempting it is to defend yourself, prioritize listening.

Keep things casual

You wouldn’t want to put a lot of pressure on your ex-partner. It’s tempting to bring them to your favorite spot which holds a lot of your memories together. However, this might only trigger unnecessary emotions which may cause you to do irrational things.

This time, you want to make things right. You don’t want to rush things. Instead, you will take time talking about what went wrong, or simply work on your communication.

Make things right this time

Not every person deserves a second chance, nor is lucky enough to be granted one. So if your partner agrees to try working on your relationship again, don’t waste it. Prove to them that accepting you back into their life is the right decision.

Rebuild that trust, sort out your issues and incompatibilities, and make sure you’re relationship won’t fall into the same pattern again. This time, you should know how better than resorting to a breakup.



Melanie Kane

I’m passionate about helping people find deep, emotional connections through