How Do You Know If They Are “The One”

Melanie Kane
4 min readJun 20, 2022

Humans as we are, we are built to feel attraction and affection.

When you’re single, there are numerous reasons why you might want to go on dates with other people — such as, to build a casual relationship, to form friendships, and, of course, to discover “The One.”

However, there’s no easy way of finding “The One.” You will either have to spend more time looking for them or if you’re lucky enough, the next person you’ll be on a date with could be that person.

But how do you know that they are “The One’’?

This question alone can lead to endless thoughts of self-doubt and perplexity. You will start to overthink whether or not you should keep searching or settle with what’s in front of you.

There is no definite answer to your dilemma, and only you can decide.

On the other hand, it’s still perfectly normal to ask this question to yourself. Weighing the strengths and weaknesses of a relationship is necessary for you to know its worth.

No relationship is perfect, and convincing yourself otherwise can hinder you from finding the right person for you. This isn’t to say that you should settle for the bare minimum. But take note that the right person is built and made.

For them to be “The One”, you will have to go through the process of communicating your needs and wants for the relationship to work. But for those whose doubts are still running through their head, here are indicative signs that they are “The One”:

You can freely express yourself around them.

Before there was them, there was you. If you have already established your personality, ambitions, and interests before meeting your partner, you wouldn’t have to worry about changing any of these for them.

Your partner should see you for who you are–flaws and all–entirely and utterly. People feel compelled to change for their partner to maintain an unattainable and “perfect” persona.

While there’s nothing wrong with modifying some aspects of your life to meet your partner halfway, you shouldn’t lose your entire being–your identity, character, all that you are.

Being able to show your authentic self around your partner without the fear of being judged and ridiculed should be your #1 standard.

Your connection is more than superficial.

There’s no denying that attraction begins with a person’s appearance and/or personality (which are still important factors), but for a relationship to strengthen, the connection should be deeper than what can be seen on the surface.

There is undeniable chemistry between the two of you. You sincerely enjoy each other’s company and being around each other doesn’t feel like a nuisance.

Discussions don’t lead to arguments.

Conversations with them feel light and easy. You agree with them most of the time, but when disagreements arise, they don’t lead to heavy arguments.

Your partner should not ridicule you for having a difference in opinions. They should be level-headed when trying to prove their point or when they discuss what’s wrong.

Their past remains in their history.

Everyone has gone through failure and disappointment at some point in their lives. When you commit to a serious relationship, anyone from their dating history should not be part of the picture regardless of their current relationship. Your baggage from the past should remain where it belongs and should not be projected on your relationship. Your partner should be mature enough to maintain their boundaries between his past and talk about them appropriately without disrespecting you.

You both have individual lives.

When you start dating, you expect to do things together that you used to do alone. While that helps strengthen your bond as a couple, it is important to have healthy independence that doesn’t disrespect your relationship.

There are things you can do together, but there are also certain things that you should do alone to catch up with your hobbies and interests. When love is present, you should maintain respect for each other’s spaces whilst still staying attached.

People close to you approve of your relationship.

Other people’s validation may seem unimportant to some, but being with someone whom your friends and family approve of is a great sign that you’re with the right person.

Sometimes, you can get too caught up with your emotions that you fail to notice the red flags, but your friends and family won’t. They will be upfront about what you don’t see through your rose-colored glasses, so their approval really matters to your relationship.

There’s no more second-guessing, you just automatically know.

Sometimes, your mind plays tricks with you. It creates false perceptions of the person you like. As a result, you fall in love with your idea of them rather than the actual person.

But when they show up in your life, you just automatically know. No more disappointments of unrealistic ideas, and you wouldn’t have to settle for mediocrity anymore. Sure, there will be obstacles in the way, but getting through them wouldn’t seem like a hard task. Everything just aligns and syncs. That’s when you know they are “The One.”



Melanie Kane

I’m passionate about helping people find deep, emotional connections through