Some men are naturally good at dating. They have impeccable social skills and are seemingly irresistible to the women they meet. But the reality is that dating is an acquired skill for most men.
Unfortunately, dating isn’t taught in school. The most schools do for young teenage boys is organize proms and social events so they can engage with the opposite sex. But in reality, that’s more like teaching a baby to swim by throwing it in the water.
Dating in real life isn’t how it’s shown in the movies. On-screen, dating can seem like a perfectly choreographed dance wherein both individuals make the right moves and say the right things, all culminating into a kiss for the ages.
For most people, dating isn’t just about fun. It’s about purpose; because we all need to make the right decisions about how we commit our time, effort, and emotions.
Guys don’t have to hit home runs every inning. But they do need to work on these skills if they want each date to matter:
Few men meet “the one” their first time out and go on to live happily ever after. Most guys will have had a few relationships before finally settling down.
Going through several relationships will mean going through several heartaches. And each time we experience heartache, it feels impossible to move forward.
Being resilient requires being hopeful. So what if your last relationship didn’t work out? It’s not the end of the world, and the only person who suffers if you give up is you. So don’t.
Remember, the race is won not by the fastest or strongest, but by the one that perseveres.
If you want any lady to get on your good side, then you have to have a sense of humor. Humor doesn’t just mean being skillful at cracking jokes. It’s about being able to laugh, especially at yourself. If you can see the light in any situation, you become someone girls would want to hang out with.
While some girls like serious, brooding men, that sort of thing gets old quickly. And they don’t like clowns either. But they do like a man who’s easy to get along with and can make them smile when they’re down. So have a sense of humor every once in a while.
Don’t listen to what anyone says, being a gentleman never goes out of fashion. Yes, you’ll have a few people get all uptight about you opening the door for the lady, but they’re not exactly the happiest bunch, right?
Being a gentleman isn’t about making a woman feel helpless and weak, but rather showing her respect and willingness to impress her.
So work on your manners and table etiquette, open the doors for her, offer to foot the bill, and accompany her home. It doesn’t just make for a better dating experience, it makes you a person worthy of respect.
Lastly, don’t feel bitter if your chivalrous behavior isn’t rewarded. That really speaks more about your date than you.
4. Listening skills
If there is any lesson a man needs to learn when dealing with women, it’s that he has to listen. Men and women are wired differently. They have different approaches to logic. A man needs things to make sense, if not the alarm bells go off in his mind. A woman talks so she can feel better. And she feels the best when a man intently listens to her.
So when you’re on a date, stop trying to figure out what to say to impress her. Most women aren’t interested in your career achievements or your impressive CV. What they want is a man who makes them feel important. The lesson, therefore, is to talk less and listen more.
5. Being vulnerable
There is an underlying theme in all of this, which is to be in tune with what a woman is feeling. Aside from wanting to be listened to, women appreciate a man who is willing to put himself on the line to be with them.
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of generosity and openness. It shows your date that she is important enough for you to take risks, even if that means embarrassing yourself and being rejected. It makes her feel that she can trust you.
A hugely underrated trait that many men don’t put enough stock into is being decisive. When you make decisions, whether it’s something you want to order or want to do, stick to them. Once you know what you want, just say it.
Now, being decisive doesn’t mean you have to be stubborn. What it does mean is that you can’t be flip-flopping around the place and deferring to your date at every turn. If it takes you an hour to decide where you want to eat, or if you are clearly hesitant about telling her that you like her, she may find you a bit below standard.
Women want reliable men, so act like one. Know what you want, say it aloud, and stick to your decision.
Honesty is a skill because it needs to be honed. A lot of men are notoriously dishonest because they want people to think they’re better than they actually are. And while inflating your personal stats or changing the facts about your life might work with some people, they aren’t going to give you the satisfying dating experience you want.
Don’t make a woman fall in love with a person who is living a lie. Be honest with your aspirations and your current situation. Lay it all on the table and let your date decide if you’re truly the man she wants.
Honesty begets trust. And without trust, your relationship will fail. So drop any fakery that you might have been putting up and you’ll attract the right kind of woman for you.
Build Skills That Last a Lifetime
You have even more incentive to work on these personal skills if you want a relationship that will last a lifetime.
Not only do they improve your chances of having meaningful dates, but they are also the same skills you carry on into marriage. Every single one. So if there are any of them you lack, now is as good a time as any to level up your personality.